I have a bit of reputation in my family and among my friends for not being fond of hugs. I just don’t do them. I have been expected to greet people with hugs and got put down for trying to do them with only one hand. I learned later in life that being averse to touch is a part of my autism. But recently something happened, and I’m coming to understand hugs, and what they are for.
When I was in elementary school, a news story came on one night about a man who had tried to drive through a low water crossing during a flash flood. My dad stood up and was clearly distressed. The man was someone he knew. I followed him to the kitchen, and I just knew what to do. I hugged him. We cried.
A couple years ago, I was at a convention. I got a call from my mom. We usually communicate through text and I thought a call at this time was unusual, so I answered the call. She started with something a long the lines of “He is okay so don’t panic”, which of course is worrying, and continued with “your brother was in a car accident”. He was unharmed (aside from the mental aspect of just being in a scary accident, surely), but even still I wanted to go home and see him. I got my mom to pick me up from the convention. I hugged my brother when I got home. “I’m glad you’re okay” I said.
Last Friday, my dad stopped by where I live on his way back from a hospital. His (for-all-intents-and-purposes) brother has terminal cancer and is in hospice. My dad had just gone to see him. When I saw my dad, I asked if he was okay and hugged him. I didn’t even think about it. It was just the right thing to do. He said he was “shaken up”. But I know that he wanted to say no, that he wasn’t okay. We cried and I hugged him tighter.
I get it now. I understand what hugs are for. I still don’t understand why I would hug someone every time I see them, but I understand why I should hug someone in times like these. It makes sense. I think I could use a hug right now, to be honest.