I often ask myself how it’s possible that I wasn’t diagnosed with autism until age 16. When I look back on my life, with the knowledge I have of the autism spectrum, it’s pretty clear that I have always exhibited autistic qualities or behaviors.
Yesterday, I was going through baby/early childhood photos with my mom. There were a lot of pictures, and she had a lot of stories to tell. Things like, how I would “organize” household items unprompted, how I would hang on to a random household item for days and cry if I didn’t have it, and how I would only play with certain toys. To me in the present, all of these behaviors feel indicative of autism.
There were pictures of my brother as well. He’s about a year and a half younger than me. My mother’s overall memories my brother’s early childhood were not as positive. Her stories weren’t as fun/cute. She told me things like, how he would always make a mess when he ate, how he would constantly put not-food items in his mouth, and how he would mess up the household items I had “organized”.
This got me thinking: “Those sound like entirely normal little kid behaviors. Her frame of reference was me, an (unbeknownst to her) autistic child”.
This thought troubled me. Were my parents’ expectations of child-rearing that of a neurodivergent child? Were my parents too harsh on my brother? If so, I can’t really say this is anyone’s fault. I understand new parents are always told the second child is always easier, but clearly there are some fundamental differences between me and my brothers’ brain.
Clearly, my mother perceived a lot of my behaviors as “mature” or even “smart”. In all likelihood, those behaviors were signs of autism. I highly doubt I understood any kind of method for organizing those household objects as age 2. I was simply lining them up. I only played with a few toys because those were my hyperfixations (where do you think the name Train comes from?)
In my pre-teen and teenage years, I had a plethora of mental health issues (that I still have, but I pride myself on having developed a lot and now being generally happy). My brother did not have these issues – at least not with the severity and persistence that I had them. My parents were supportive about this, and did a mostly good job, I think, regarding getting me treated for my mental health. Again, I am proud of how far I’ve come, although I do wish I had been diagnosed with autism much earlier. I guess my point here is, an autistic person’s development may be characterized by perceived rapid early childhood development followed by stagnant or trouble school-age years*, and this likely influenced my parents’ expectations for how they would raise my brother.
* I have no idea if this is an actual documented phenomenon or just a stereotype. Regardless, I feel it applies to me.