For a long time I’ve felt that I just don’t have the force of will that my peers do. I’ve felt that I just am not able to put my thoughts and desires into action like others around me. They just have a stronger “force of will” – I’m not sure what else to call it.
I can’t say for sure, but I have an idea of why this might be. I don’t believe that one’s force of will is intrinsic; it can change at different points in one’s life for a variety of reasons and factors.
I suspect constant praise being the norm of my early childhood reduced my force of will and raised my expectations of myself. And we all know how that goes. At some point a child labeled “gifted” has their world collapse around them as they realize they aren’t… all that.
I think I was (unintentionally) conditioned to have a force of will that is highly dependent on the praise of others. Something so deep in my psyche is not easily un-learned.
I’m doing better on my own, now, but I still have a lot to learn about life and myself. There’s so much I want to do, but sometimes I feel like I don’t have sufficient force of will to make it happen.
But I still feel like praise is a massive boost to my force of will. I try to not be dependent on it, but again, I think this is a deep-seated issue.
I made the observation that praise from family is somehow different from praise from non-family. I guess, to some degree, there’s a sense of obligation from familial bonds to give praise, so it doesn’t contribute to my force as will as much. It’s expected. When praise comes from non-family, it’s just… different. Better. Like it means more.
It is especially powerful when the other person is invested in your accomplishments and growth. Praise from someone like that is given because that other person genuinely believes in you – not because they are required to give praise due to expectations with your familial or working relationship. That other person wants to continue to see you do great things. That other person wants to see you grow into the best version of yourself that you can be.
I suppose that’s what love is, huh?