This is sort of a follow-up to the last post.
Smash just hasn’t been the same since then. The feeling I was chasing, which I believe to be adrenaline + flow state, feels unachievable.
I don’t want to say it’s been ruined for me. I still enjoy the game and I doubt I’ll ever really be “done” with it, but the motivation to get better has greatly faded, and what was supposed to be my way to replace that motivation feels unachievable.
I tried. I tried to get back into it. I really did. But I feel the need to find a new hobby – one that takes significantly less effort. The general player population is quite skilled at this point in the game’s lifespan, and I feel like I can’t keep up. I’m tired.
I’m not quitting competitive, I just don’t think I can take the game seriously anymore. And that sucks.
For a long time Smash tournaments have been my primary source of social interaction, and that has been great – I have grown a lot (as a player and as a person) thanks to this community, but my internal sense of “belonging” in it has faded. I wish I could pinpoint why – you definitely don’t have to be any good at the game to belong in the community, so it’s not that. I just feel like I’m growing distant from it. And that sucks even worse than not taking the game seriously.
Nothing is absolute, I don’t want to rule anything out, but between what happened to me last year, and my desire to participate decreasing, I feel that it is best if I regard Smash, as a major part of my life, as part of a chapter of my life that is coming to an end. I imagine I’ll still go to locals, but not with the same frequency, or the vigor and enthusiasm that I once had.
I need to get out more. I need to find something else to do. I have no idea what.