I have been thinking about loneliness and closesness and… all that. It doesn’t help that in this pre-move limbo I have been living vicariously through my catboy OC Skye (below) in The Sims 4. Meeting my social need just doesn’t work for me the same as it does for others, and I know a lot of people feel that way, but I feel so alone in how it feels different to me. In other words I feel like my social needs don’t match anyone else’s social needs so they never get fulfilled.
I’ve always felt this need to be “weirdly” creative and to be able to communicate that. It’s hard to describe. I think back to my Smash days, where players communicated through their gameplay. So much is expressed by character choice, movement, and interaction with the other player(s) in-game. I… feel like I want to invent a way of communicating like this, but for everyday conversation (even if it’s only with people who can communicate like this). I don’t know how to say it. Words are so limiting and take far too much effort to ensure your message gets across cleanly.
I wish I could say pictures. This is why I unironically like emojis. 🤔
Back to loneliness – given that I’m moving, I stopped dating weeks ago. There are lots of things I want to do before I try that again, but I’m not super motivated to do that anyway, because, again, my social needs are outliers, and, well, I want those fulfilled. Once I move back, I anticipate being unemployed for just a bit, so I’ll have the energy to go out and do things and talk to people. I’ll also be able to express myself closer to how I want. I’m looking forward to that.