If you’ve been following me or talked to me for any length of time within the past 2 years you’ve probably come across some conversation of me having to do with gender. Well, lately I have been able to live a little more, without fear or questioning.
Realistically, my experience with gender most matches that of non-binary people. However, I am not really fond of the whole, erm, popular notions around that label. It feels like there’s something of a narrative that non-binary is a “third” gender as opposed to gender being an infinitesimally personal thing (and, gender norms being, well, fake). I don’t think that’s the fault of non-binary people, but exploring that isn’t really the point of this post. I still strongly identify with both the male gender and stereotypical femininity, and do not particularly care to use the language the “stereotypical” non-binary person uses about themselves.
There is almost a spiritual aspect to how I feel, and that’s validating. I have discovered a sizable amount of (sometimes ancient) cultures put some degree of spiritual significance on either androgyny or the process of becoming androgynous, and I think many depictions of that have largely been erased because of Christian normativity (even though some early Christians, perhaps unsurprisingly, wrote about spiritual value in androgyny. See this gnostic text and this article by someone who is a director of “a ministry that exists to recognize and respond to the rising tide of neopaganism” [lmao])
I’ve called myself a femboy a lot, and while I still think that’s an applicable word, it’s hard to be serious about that being an actual description of my gender. It’s also a highly fetishized term, so that’s fun (/sarcasm). I think the word that best fits me is “bigender”, but it’s not something I really care enough about to have to explain further. I’m just gonna be myself. My computer-brained, empyrean, epicine, catgirlboy self. I don’t want to make a bigger deal of it than this, or ever feel like I have to justify or explain it.
Still, this means seeking gender-affirming procedures and behaviors. I’ve had electrolysis done on my face and am making other changes to my body to look closer to what I want. You know, just like literally everyone else who cares about their appearance, queer or not.
Anyways, uh, here’s a gallery of art (not by me – a variety of great artists!) of gendery characters that I like to look at (and similar to :P)
Link (as he appears in The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom)
Nahobino / Protagonist (Shin Megami Tensei V)
Testament (Guilty Gear -Strive-)
okay these are just poses from the game not fan art
And, perhaps most important to me, the multiple forms Ontos takes in the Xenoblade Chronicles series.